Yesterday I talked about the very basic core of BDSM. Let’s expand on that a little more right now.
Relationships and play partners. This is a good place to start. You may remember me mentioning “romantic bdsm” from my earlier posts. Well, that’s because bdsm doesn’t have to be romantic. Bdsm doesn’t even have to occur between lover or people in a sexual relationship. It doesn’t have to occur between just two people either. There are many facets of bdsm.
A romantic bdsm relationship occurs within a romantic relationship, ie husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, or even husband/wife/boyfriend or boyfriend/girlfriend/girlfriend.
Play partners are people who participated in bdsm but without the romantic relationship part. They may still have a relationship, but it’s strictly platonic.
Sex and bdsm. Turns out they’re not mutually exclusive. At its core, bdsm doesn’t have anything to do with sex. It can, and often does, but that is a kink. Many bdsm participants don’t bring bdsm into their bedrooms. This is common with play partners, who will engage in power exchange and kinky activities such as flogging, but do not engage in sexual intercource.
The bottom line is that sex is not required for a fulfilling bdsm relationship or partnership.
Kink. This is where bdsm and sex intersect. But kink and bdsm are not mutually exclusive either. Most vanilla folks (people who do not participate in bdsm) have some kind of kink they enjoy, be it spanking or as simple as rough sex.
But this is where bdsm and sex intersect. Power exchange in the bedroom is a kink. Bondage is a kink. Pet play, flogging, and climax control are all kinks common within the bdsm community. There are many, many more than what I listed but I’ll expand on that later.
Protocol. This is basically a set of rules imposed on the submissive by the dominant.
Example: part of my protocol is that daddy (my dominant) must screen any friend request I receive on Facebook. This blog you’re reading is the newest part of my protocol and I’m required to maintain it every day. I must also ask for permission to smoke a cigarette (which has helped me come down from a pack and a half a day to a little less than a pack a day). I willingly agreed to abide by these rules and protocols and he makes sure they have some kind of benefit for me.
Subs and doms. There are many different types of submissives and dominants. I am what’s called a “little”, a submissive who enjoys things like coloring books, Disney movies, and all things snuggly. Littles bring their inner child to the surface in varying degrees.
There are different types of dominants too. As you’ve probably gathered by now, my dominant is the daddy type. There’s a lot of misconceptions around the daddy dom/little submissive dynamic but I’ll expand on that specifically in a separate post.
Slaves. Being a slave is not the same as being a submissive. Slavery is often more strict and authoritarian. When a slave suits to their master, they lose ALL power and control. The decisions they are allowed to make, if at all, are very limited.
Masters. Masters are different from other dominants in that the hold complete control over almost every, if not all, aspect of their slave’s life.
The community. There is a thriving bdsm community where you can meet other people like yourself, learn different skills such as flogging, and even play at certain gatherings.
All of this will be covered in depth later on so make sure you keep an eye out for updates.