Submitting to someone isn’t easy.
Now that we’ve covered some of the general basics, let’s talk about what it takes to be a submissive.
Self preservation. Not only do you have to trust your dominant to keep your best interests in mind, you also have to be able to stand up for yourself. If your dominant imposes a rule on you or wants you to do something that you know for a fact is bad for you, you have to say so. You cannot set aside your self preservation instincts in order to please your dominant. If your dominant repeatedly has you go against those instincts, it’s time for a discussion or a dismissal.
Consent. No one, NO ONE, is entitled to your submission, it must be earned and you are the one who sets those standards. Consent is ongoing, continuous, and can be revoked anytime.
Dedication. You have to be dedicated to your dominant in order for this to work. This kind of dynamic takes a lot of work.
Sacrifice. You will sacrifice a lot. In a power exchange dynamic you are giving up control over your own decisions in some amount, be it all or just some. Make sure you discuss how much power you are willing to surrender with your potential dominant.
Vulnerability. This is a big one. And it’s scary. You have to open yourself to your dominant in order for the power exchange to work. If your dominant doesn’t know where your vulnerabilities lie, they cannot perform their duties to you and may inadvertently hurt you.
Willingness to serve. Everything boils down to your desire to serve and please your dominant. Do you find pleasure and fulfillment in serving your dominant? If you don’t, it’s time to figure why. Maybe this isn’t for you, and that’s OK. Or maybe this dom just isn’t right for you, and that’s OK too.
Always remember the core foundations of bdsm.
You will be asked to do things you don’t like, such as chores, going to bed at a set bed time, or allowing your dominant to gaze casually at your naked body (that always makes me squirm, I don’t like it, but I do it because it pleases him).
If this is right for you, if you don’t mind the thorns, the roses you grow together will hold the sunlight within their petals.