For me, this is the most important aspect of a d/s (dom/sub) relationship, or any vanilla relationship for that matter. No matter where you’re starting at, you should be growing as a couple, as a dominant or submissive, and as a unique individual. 

If you look back on your relationship after a year and you haven’t changed or grown, you’re not pushing yourself enough. Even the smallest change is significant. 

A stagnant relationship leads to boredom and frustration. 

If your partner isn’t growing with you, encourage them to do so. Help them grow. Maybe they lack the necessary tools or confidence. You can help them with that. If your partner refuses to grow with you or does not have the ability to grow with you, they are not right for you and you should part ways. If your partner prevents you from growing within the relationship or as an individual they are not right for you and you should part ways. 

You should both be trying new things, no matter how small. You should both be encouraging each other to strive for your dreams and new experiences. 

Growth is important for mental health. The mind becomes dull and stagnant without new experiences and data to process. The mind becomes dissatisfied and prone to depression without exertion. Boredom within a relationship can destroy that relationship, even leading to infidelity or other risky behaviors. 

We all want satisfaction from our lives and our significant others. We can’t get that via Netflix and chill every day. Even if Netflix and chill is your thing, change it up. Take a mobile device to the park and Netflix and chill with a picnic in the fresh air. Discuss the deeper philosophy of your favorite show. Write fanfiction about it. Just do something to exercise your brain. 

Everyone is different and everyone grows in different ways. Some grow slow and steady like a bonsai while others grow voraciously like ivy. You don’t have to go through life changing experiences every day. Just work towards improvement, no matter how small. Even the tiniest improvements are significant and they add up over time. 

Be each other’s sunlight and fertilizer. Grow a beautiful garden together in each other’s fertile soil. 


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