If anyone tells you submitting to a dominant is easy, they are either lying or they don’t really know what submission is.
Submitting to a dominant is a constant, ongoing commitment. Submission doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself, it means thinking of your dominant partner in most everything you do.
It’s a bit difficult to put into words really, but let’s try.
To submit is to make yourself vulnerable, to completely trust that your dominant partner knows what’s best for you,even if you don’t like it (stupid showers! Baths are better!).
There’s a difference between being a submissive person and submitting to someone. I am not a submissive person at all, not even with Daddy. I will tell someone when they are wrong (including Daddy) and I will not let anyone use me as a doormat. The only time I am submissive is in bed and that depends on the play. A lot of people are submissive who don’t submit at all. I submit to Daddy in my daily routines (showers, grumble grumble) and protocols. To be submissive and to submit are different things.
You have to be strong to submit. It takes strength to lay everything out there and make yourself vulnerable, trusting that you won’t be harmed. You also have to stand up for yourself. Trust goes both ways and your dominant has to trust that you will stand up for yourself, even when it’s your dominant you’re standing against. Your dominant has to trust that you will use your safewords. Your dominant has to trust that you submit willingly.
No one is perfect. Everyone forgets and makes mistakes. You will be punished. Your dominant will make mistakes. Knowing this, it is important to submit with dignity. You are doing this willingly, this fulfills you.
One of the many aspects of submission is service. Doing things you think your dominant will like or enjoy is not service, though it is nice and should be appreciated. To serve is to do as your dominant wishes. If your dominant doesn’t want you to do the dishes and you do them anyway, you have not served even though you’ve done something nice. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do nice things for your dominant, just that service itself is very specific. If your dominant asks you to do the dishes and you do, you have served your dominant. Putting it bluntly and simply, to serve is to obey.
Sexual submission. This is a tough topic. You are allowed to say “no”. While you may wish to fulfill your dominant’s every sexual desire, the odds are good that there are some things you just won’t be willing to do. That’s OK. Learn to say no, remember that everyone has limits and they should be respected. Doing something in the name of submission, solely because it’s something your dominant wants when you don’t want to do it is dishonest and tarnished the experience for both of you. Discuss why you do or do not want to do something and go from there.
Never submit just to submit. Submit because your dominant has earned that gift and that trust. Submission is always, only earned.