Safe Play

The things we enjoy in the bdsm world, both in and out of the bedroom, carry various risks. These risks can be physical, mental, public, legal, and any other way you can think of. People have and will get hurt. Some have even died. I can’t express how important it is to play safely. So let’s get started.

Know Your Situation.

You must know what you are physically and mentally capable of doing and how comfortable you are doing what. There is no room here for doubt. If you are at all uncertain about your ability to do something safely, do not do it. If you can’t efficiently tie a knot and release it quickly a rope bondage session could end with someone getting hurt.

Seriously take into account how much you know about what you want to do. Are there any safety precautions you should take? If an accident happens (they will) can you keep your cool and know how to handle the situation calmly and without panic? Be secure in your knowledge, do extra research if you’re a little unclear about something. Practice with your partner so both of you will know what to do in unexpected situations.

Physical and Mental Health.

Romantic or not, you have to know who you’re going to be playing with. You’re risking your own health to STDs, scams, and would-be-predators. Never play with someone if you have any doubts about them, even if it’s just a gut feeling. Ask your potential partner about STDs. It’s awkward and invasive but it’s your health at risk. Be prepared to answer those questions too. Make sure you use some form of birth control and always keep condoms where you might need them. Furthermore, know your partner’s allergies and have an epi pen within reach.

Make sure you discuss what’s going to take place and agree on mutual limits. Be proactive and inform your partner of any triggers and limits you have. If you have anxiety, make sure your partner knows what to look for and how to handle a panic attack. Things like that can sneak up on you and being caught unprepared can turn an accident into something worse.


You will come across bad people, just like anywhere else in life. When you’re getting ready for a scene involving of any kind you have to know that your partner will respect your safewords and limits. Don’t make yourself vulnerable to a stranger.

Make sure your wants and needs are compatible. Discuss limits, turn ons, and pet peeves. Both of you should benefit from the arrangement in some way. Your preferences should compliment each other. If your potential partner is well-known in the local bdsm community ask for references and check them.

Toys and Tools.

Don’t use a toy or a tool without being confident in your ability to operate it. Test new toys and tools with cautions until you’re comfortable using them with intensity. This is an area where YouTube is very helpful. You can find tutorials on knot work, restraint safety and use, testing hardware, and all kinds of other things. Make sure all your toys and tools are clean and in good working condition before and after each use.

Be prepared.

Keep whatever you might need within reach and easily accessible. Put together a good emergency medical kit and learn how to use everything in it. Know what could go wrong so you can prepare appropriately.

Be knowledgeable about the activity you’re about to partake of. Try new things out on yourself first if possible to see what it feels like. Know the specific risks and precautions associated with activities.


There’s no pretty way to say any of this and it sounds like a lot to consider because it is. People do get taken advantage of and abused. Fakes use it to get laid. There is a lot of work and research that goes into living and practicing bdsm but it yields the ultimate reciprocity if both partners are willing to do that work. It’s basically the ultimate give and take when it comes to relationships.




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