This holiday season has been hectic to say the least. While it’s almost over, the ride is not. While I’ve found a new freedom here and reconnected with my creative facets it has come at a price. My sister was so distraught by my move that she physically assaulted me at Thanksgiving dinner. Because of that I will not be spending Christmas with my family for the first time ever. I can put up with a lot of things from my family but physical abuse is not one of them. It has been difficult to say the least.
On top of these new familial struggles I found out I am pregnant this morning. Pregnancy poses significant health risks for me and I have no desire for children so I will not be keeping it. It’s still early, 5 weeks at most, and I have been taking birth control (Trinessa is anyone is curios) so the decision came easily. I can’t risk my own health as well as a fetal abnormalities. It still doesn’t quell the anxiety of being pregnant. I won’t be able to rest until I am safely and thoroughly unpregnant.
It hasn’t all been doom and gloom. Indeed, for the most part it has been the best holiday season I’ve ever had. I’ve never experienced this degree of freedom or the resources to make the most of it. This new place is buzzing with energy and new opportunities are beginning to lay themselves bare.
Most importantly of all, I have had someone by my side who loves me, who sees the real me and believes in what he sees. Daddy has been with me through all of this madness and all of this change. He has proven that he will do whatever it takes to ensure my well-being and that he can learn and grow with me. We make progress with ourselves and each other. We have accomplished things we wouldn’t have been able to without each other. We see the ugliness we hide and refused to back down. We’ve unleashed it on each other and come out stronger. There will be more battles to fight but we both have the advantage of a capable, devoted partner backing us up. Without his support and the learning experiences he brings I would have continued being a soft doormat for my family to wipe their feet on. I would not have started writing again. Without Daddy I would not be Kitty. I would not have found myself a flower growing toward the sun and storing light for the coming spring.
So while there have been losses I belive there have been more significant gains; for what is more significant that one’s self?