Communicating When Communication is Difficult.

Communication is one of the most important elements of a succesful relationship of any kind. As partners, you must learn each other’s preferences and limits. There are many reasons a topic can be difficult to talk about. Expressing intimate details about ourselves is an act of vulnerability and leaves sensitive nerves exposed. Thankfully, there are ways to make communicating about vulnerable topics easier while reinforcing roles.

Some things are easy to talk about. Food allergies for instance, are important for aftercare but that isn’t a confession that leaves you feeling exposed. Other things make us feel so exposed it can be difficult to voice aloud. Some things can be related to trauma and must be handled delicately. When approaching and exploring vulnerable topics you can use  many surprising methods to communicate.

Checklists can be found online and it helps to print and fill them out, even if it’s only for yourself. This tool is more impersonal and makes it easier to separate yourself from what you might be confessing. A good checklist is easy and quick to read, and covers many topics such as experience, preference,  and limits relating to a variety of activities.

Creativity is an effective and fun way to communicate about desires and fantasies that are embarrassing to talk about and might otherwise remain hidden. Adding creative writing assignments to a dynamic can improve communication as well as add some excitement and anticipation. Using fiction, poetry, or visual art to express desire can be arousing as well as enlightening. While writing can help communication, it is still very personal. It is important to treat writing assignments with respect.

Scavenger hunts are an exciting and arousing way to learn about kinks and fantasies. To set up a kinky scavenger hunt, simply make a list of terms for the other person to find on the internet. Images of sexual acts or written pornography are good examples. This method of communication can be particularly effective for littles or other submissives who enjoy games. Rewards may even be offered for completing a list!

Journals may also be used to communicate. Journal entries are very personal and, like anything else, should be treated with respect. This method may be appropriate where more light-hearted approaches are insensitive. A Dominant can use this to learn how their submissive thinks and approaches life struggles. Mandating access to a submissive’s journal entries may not always be appropriate. Sometimes encouraging them to share of their own volition is more effective and can help establish and strengthen trust.

As mentioned before, topics related to trauma can be especially difficult to discuss. These situations should be handled with patience and understanding. Using the above described methods may not be appropriate to broach these topics and should not be mandated here. Allow them to move at a pace that is comfortable for them using whatever method they prefer. Encouragement and support are especially important to help someone express themselves in such vulnerable situations.

These aren’t the only ways you can constructively communicate. Working together to build your own methods is just as interesting and enlightening as using them! Learning how to express yourselves to each other is a very intimate journey to embark on; make sure to patience, respect, and an open mind along with you.

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